I had just finished my first day of work and I called my best friend.

“How was it today girl?!”

“Man, idk, bunch of white people, but I met this one dude, and his energy was off, I can’t figure it out but he’s definitely sexist or racist...”

“Whattttttt?!”

“I can’t explain it, but something just wasn’t right.”

They call it women’s intuition, but I call it a motherfucking burden. I hate when I get that tingly feeling in my stomach. I’m usually standing in front of a white person that’s telling me about their Black friends or kids and how they voted for Barack Obama. Sometimes I get a good vibe, and I feel hope, and I believe they can be a good ally. Other times I get that sinking feeling like they are selling me bullshit and I never know if it’s because I’m a woman or because I’m Black, or both. Just in my heart of hearts I know their behavior is shady. It’s something about the vibe that doesn’t feel right, and my spidey senses lit up with this guy.

It was weird, I couldn’t understand it, but every time we interacted there was something disrespectful that occurred. He either cut me off, or mansplained, or questioned when I asked for something. Whenever we were in a group setting, he would either repeat my ideas as his own or try to answer before I did. There was one time when he even answered something wrong and I had to properly explain it. Then he actually said, “yeah that’s what I meant!”

I tried to watch his interactions with others but never noticed the same things, so I found myself constantly questioning, what is it about me?!!

Then one faithful day, we were in a group setting and he exhibited the same trash behavior, but a white colleague noticed it as well. She came up to me after and said, 

“Does he always treat you like this?!”

Literally tears filled my eyes as I exclaimed, 

“YES!!!!!!!!!!” 

After apologizing for my experiences, she said she would report what she observed to my supervisor with my permission. This is a true act of allyship y’all okkk!

Ring. Ring. I get a phone call. 

“Hey, I heard what happened!!!I think you should talk to X about how to interact with HIM. He’s just sexist but she knows how to work around him.”

My mouth dropped a little, “Huh?” 

“Yeah, I was at a meeting with HIM (the perpetrator) the other day and he just mansplained something to the leading woman, typical sexist lol, I don’t think he’s racist though.”

I blinked a couple times, honestly, not believing what I was hearing. I then explained that it didn’t matter if it was JUST sexism it was wrong, and I wasn’t going to go talk to X to help me navigate when she needed protecting tooooooo!

He eventually understood my point and apologized. I was told an official report would be made. It was made, but nothing changed. I received a weak and scripted apology letter, and I basically just had to move on. Sucks. 

Sucks more because WOC already don’t speak up when this type of abuse happens, due to the risk of retaliation, so it’s so disheartening when we risk it, and nothing happens. What’s worst is that I uncovered a history of trash behavior that had just been accepted as sexism and no one cared. And still don’t and rather just navigate around it. 

What a mess. 

I will say, I’m grateful to my ally who helped me elevate, and to WOC who do share your story don’t give up! These experiences are real, and our voices will be heard!