It starts with that full body bed stretch. You know the one. Right after my eyes open, boss bitch energy fills my body and radiates throughout all my limbs as I stretch my entire body across my entire bed. STAR shaped like the star I plan to be that day; I stay in that star stretched shape for a few seconds allowing the boss bitch energy to creep all the way down my outstretched limbs. Feeling it awaken my mind, my ideas, my quick responses, my ability to detect bullshit. My body is awake now, stretch complete, boss bitch energy secured. Time to get up.

“Alexa, play Cardi B everywhere”

Playing music by Cardi B on the everywhere group.

“Ooooooohhhh, BABY I like it like that”

I jump out of bed, put on my house crocs, grab my phone and do my Mary J. Blige stumble dance on the way to the bathroom while singing, “I got diamonds, I got pearls!”

I’m on the toilet, scrolling, lurking, I see some BS, I scroll or I investigate, I like some stuff, I retweet some stuff, I think of a tweet to send then save it in my drafts. I remember I’m on the toilet.

Now I’m brushing my teeth, thinking about my day, “I wonder if someone gonna say something foolish today, you are a QUEEN, am I getting bigger, is that a bump, did she really say that at the last meeting, I hope nobody bother me today, I hope another Black person doesn’t get shot today, I hope Breonna Taylor gets justice.” Spit 

“There’s some WHORES IN THIS HOUSEEE!!!”

“Ohhhhh shittttttttt that’s my song!”

I start dancing, hips moving and hands shaking, my own version of twerking, I dance from the bathroom to the living room for more space. “I want you to touch that lil DANGLY DANG” I make my way to the kitchen and grab my Vyvanse from the cabinet. Swallow a pill with some water then chew on my hair, skin and nail gummies. “Pay my tuition just to kiss me!” Twerks back to my room. 

“Alexa, STOP”

I sit on my bench and pick up a power thought card and read some inspirational shit that’s supposed to make my day better or at least make me think that I’m gonna have a good day. That shit don’t work but it’s nice to do. I write down the quote then I journal my thoughts about it and any other thoughts I have. Then I read my letter to myself:

I sit for a moment, smile, cry or laugh, depends on how I’m feeling then I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I get up, “Alexa play some music”

Here is a playlist you might like, A Bad Bitch Morning Routine”

“Yo, Alexa always know what I like, let me finish getting ready!”